If you have been married for years or even been in a long-term relationship, you probably know that keeping things spicy can be a difficult task. It takes a lot of work to keep viewing your significant other in the same way as you did when you first started going out.
But even with the demanding tasks of everyday life, like raising children and performing mundane household chores, marriage does not have to be dull or loveless. Sure, you will need to do your bit to keep the romance going, but it is worth every effort.
If you feel trapped in a boring marriage, here are a few things you can do to bring the sparkle back.
Watch Your Inner Critic
When you are married to someone, you get to see them a lot. You see when they leave the toilet seat up, when they don’t rinse their plates before putting them in the dishwasher, and when they leave their hairs in the shower.
You also see them when they overspend on their hobby, or when they buy something you disapprove of, and when they overreact to simple things.
In short, you see them making common mistakes often.
And sometimes, you can focus so much on the things they do wrong that you don’t see anything else. Over time, you become resentful of them, and resentment leaves no room for love, intimacy or romance.
The next time you catch yourself getting mad at your partner for doing something wrong, choose not to overthink it. They probably don’t do things wrong as often as you think, and even when they do things wrong, it’s’ probably not that big of a deal.
Choose to let the small things go. And silence your inner critic while you are at it. You married a flawed human being, not a perfect person. Don’t forget that.
Relationship experts repeatedly stress that effective communication in marriage is the glue that holds relationships together. This is true, and one cannot overstate its importance.
If you have a problem with your partner, raise it at the earliest opportunity, and try to be objective in your statements. Accusations and blame have no place in a loving and intimate relationship.
Admittedly, staying objective during a heated argument is easier said than done. To save yourselves unnecessary conflict, always take a break when discussions cease to be productive and come back to the issue later.
Additionally, choose to be kind even when discussing emotive topics like finances or parenting. The moment you swear, become overly defensive or point an accusatory finger, the discussion starts a downward spiral toward being an explosive argument, and this is the last thing you want.
Mind your language when communicating thorny issues with your spouse. If you are kind to them, you will create a sense of intimacy that binds you together and propels your relationship forward.
Focus on The Good
If you want to change your opinion of your significant other and see them as a good, helpful and kind person, you need to focus on the things they do right.
What do you like about your spouse? Do they give you the best back rubs when you’ve had a long day, or do they offer to help you with tedious tasks even without your asking?
Or perhaps you love how they don’t take life too seriously and know how to turn the most devastating losses into learning experiences? Are they consistent in ensuring that the kids eat healthily, or do they make time to play with the little ones?
When you decide to focus on the things that your spouse does right, the mistakes lose importance, and you become more loving towards your significant other. Choose to see the good and let the bad things go.
Let It Burn
It is easy to get stuck on something your partner did wrong, always waiting for them to apologize for it. Every day that passes, and they don’t apologize, becomes another day where hurt wins over love.
If you find it difficult to let a particular incident go, it is time to let it burn. Get a pen and paper, and write it down in detail. Describe every emotion you feel when you recall what your partner did. Wallow in your misery or anger for an hour or a day.
And when you have felt the hurt, burn that paper. That way, the thing that your partner did wrong loses its grip on you, and you can go back to loving and caring for them.
Care For Yourself
Nowhere is self-care more important than between two parties in a marriage. If you are to make a partnership successful, both parties need to be their best selves. And being your best self calls for regular self-care and a little indulgence.
Do something that makes your soul come alive every once in a while. If you love to travel, take solo trips every so often. If you love a good massage, indulge every once in a while.
When you take time to recharge, you manifest the best version of yourself in all aspects of your life, including your marriage. If you are overworked and bitter, you will bring negative energy to your marriage, which does not encourage intimacy.
Projecting in a marriage happens when your spouse does one thing, and you mistake it for another nefarious thing. Often, it is brought on by any trauma you endured in your childhood or any emotional baggage you are carrying in your life.
Be conscious of the times you project misplaced anger and bitterness towards your partner. If you need help getting over a particularly troublesome childhood, don’t hesitate to see a therapist. This will go a long way in improving your marriage.
Master the Art of Seduction
When making love starts to feel like a chore, it is time to relearn the art of seduction. You want your partner to yearn for your love, and it helps where there is excitement from both parties.
You could start by sending your spouse flirty messages when they least expect it. Brush softly against their body or kiss them fiercely when they can’t see it coming. Do the things you used to do when you first fell in love to rekindle your passion.
In bed, don’t be afraid to experiment and change things up a little. Additionally, share your wildest fantasies with your loved one, and watch the passion return.
Whether or not you have an enjoyable, intimate relationship depends entirely on you. The state of your marriage is a reflection of every small choice you make.
If you constantly criticize your spouse or are always resentful of them, it will show in your relationship. Don’t let this happen to your union. Opt to see the good and keep trying out new things to rekindle the passion. It will go a long way in bringing back the sparkle to your marriage.